Highly Sensitive People: How to Deal with Criticism
- Nov 3
- 4 min read
Criticism - whether kindly meant or totally misplaced - can throw anyone off balance. But for highly sensitive people? It can feel like a full-blown emotional earthquake. What feels like “just feedback” to others can hit HSP right in the heart, shaking their self-esteem and triggering a storm of feelings. Let’s unpack why this happens…
Touched to the Heart
For highly sensitive people, criticism isn’t just a passing discomfort - it’s a genuine emotional event. Their intense inner world, deep need for harmony, and desire to be good humans make them extra vulnerable to disapproval. Add a lifetime of “helpful remarks” from parents, teachers, or bosses, and you’ve got a perfect recipe for taking things way too personally.
When an HSP feels criticized, it’s not simply “ouch.” It’s “ouch, collapse, and overthink for three days.” Their sensitivity, which is such a gift in so many areas, becomes a bit of an Achilles’ heel here.
High Sensitivity and Susceptibility
“Why are you so sensitive?” “You can’t take a joke.” “Nobody can tell you anything.” Sound familiar?
This isn’t weakness - it’s simply sensitivity turned inward. It often comes from a mix of three things: high emotional sensitivity, low self-confidence, and, yes, a tiny streak of pride that wants to get everything right.
When an HSP’s self-esteem gets poked, reactions can range from sulking to full emotional fireworks. Elaine Aron explains it beautifully in Love When You’re Highly Sensitive: sensitive people care deeply about doing things “right,” so criticism hits extra hard. They don’t want to be wrong - not because of ego, but because they equate mistakes with losing connection, love, or safety.
They put immense pressure on themselves to be perfect - a strategy meant to avoid criticism - but life, of course, has other plans. When criticism eventually arrives, everything inside them goes boom.
What a Highly Sensitive Person Feels when Criticized
When I asked HSP my clients about this, here’s what they said:
First comes irritation - “I get offended so easily.”Then the emotional crash - “My self-confidence plummets,” “I feel like a failure,” “My self-esteem disappears into the abyss.”
Criticism feels like rejection: “I’m less appreciated,” “I’m the ugly duckling.” The unspoken belief? “If I’m not perfect, I won’t be loved.”
And then comes the mental replay marathon. HSP can’t just let it go - oh no. They’ll analyze every word, tone, emoji, and punctuation mark like forensic investigators: “What did I do wrong?” “What do they think of me?” “Are they right?” “Does everyone think that?” “Do they hate me now?”
They bounce between anger (“This is so unfair!”) and guilt (“I’m awful for having something to be criticized for”) until they’re emotionally wrung out.
Avoidance Strategies (a.k.a. How we try to outrun criticism)
Because criticism feels so painful, many HSP bend over backward to avoid it. People-pleasing becomes an Olympic sport: saying yes to everything, editing themselves constantly, trying to be liked by everyone.
The cost? They lose touch with who they actually are. They bottle up resentment, stay hypervigilant, and end up exhausted - all while still getting criticized anyway. Life has a sense of irony like that.
Another classic strategy is self-criticism - beating themselves to it. “If I say it first, it won’t hurt as much.” Sometimes this helps with accountability, but often it just turns into an endless loop of “I’m not good enough” and “I can’t get anything right.”
That’s not self-awareness - that’s self-torture disguised as responsibility.
When criticism targets sensitivity itself
Even today, high sensitivity is widely misunderstood. Some people still see it as fragility or weakness. “You’re too emotional.” “You should toughen up.” “Real men don’t cry.” You know the drill.
But let’s be honest - those comments say nothing about you and everything about the person saying them. Their opinions are often built on outdated beliefs, discomfort with emotions, or plain ignorance.
So next time someone mocks your sensitivity, pause and ask: “What does this say about them?” Maybe they repress their emotions. Maybe they never learned empathy. Maybe they just had a bad day. Either way - that’s their stuff, not yours.
Tips to handle criticism (without losing your cool)
1. Breathe before reacting. Seriously. Take a moment. When you’re flooded with emotion, every reaction feels urgent - but it rarely is. A few deep breaths can give you the clarity to respond instead of explode.
2. Delay your response if needed. If your emotions are too strong, it’s okay to say, “I’ll get back to you.” You deserve the space to process. It’s better than saying something you’ll replay at 3 a.m. later.
3. Ask questions. Gently. “What are you trying to tell me?” or “Can you clarify what bothers you?” It helps you understand whether it’s real feedback or someone else’s projection.
4. Express your feelings calmly. If the feedback is kind, say, “Thanks for helping me grow.” If it’s mean or unnecessary, try, “That comment doesn’t feel respectful - please keep it to yourself.”
Responding calmly is self-respect in action. You won’t get it perfect every time, and that’s okay. You’re learning. Each time you handle criticism with grace instead of panic, you reclaim a little more of your power.
And that, my friend, is growth in its most beautiful, sensitive form.
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