top of page

For those who don't fit in.

Through my activity but also in my personal relationships, I have observed a general feeling of non-belonging. This feeling, often badly experienced, is more and more profound, not only in highly sensitive people who often already have this feeling, due to their personality trait, but also in non-HSPs. No one escapes it!

For those who don't fit in.

There are many who do not find themselves, whether in a specific way or not, in the dynamics of their family, that of their friends or of society in general. They have this deep impression of not being able to integrate into any group, and this also affects the spiritual communities which are more and more deserted. Maybe just like me, you have this constant feeling of being either completely outside the group or just on the periphery of it.

For my part, I have never belonged to any religious tradition. I don't identify with any particular philosophy or ideology. I am not affiliated with any political party or any other group that in any way symbolizes division or by membership would impel me to do so.

Of course, I groped several collectives, several ideologies in the search for my identity, but none suited the range of my thoughts. They undoubtedly enriched them, allowed me to broaden my perspectives and my knowledge of course, but in their integrity, I felt no belonging. There was always a fundamental notion, a line of conduct, a chapter of the "user manual" that bothered me deeply or did not align with my ideas, my interpretations or with one of my primordial values.

So often, the feeling of “not finding my place” was often a source of frustration, alienation and loneliness because I was everywhere and nowhere. But over time, I saw it more and more as an asset, as an incredible freedom. This sense of non-restriction allowed me to develop a greater perspective and to have an unlimited open-mindedness.

I have been lucky enough to live in places and meet people with completely opposite beliefs, ideologies or identities…religious, political, personal. It was observing these differences and listening to others that allowed me to recognize that, despite all the apparent opposition, everyone had much more in common than they wanted to admit or sometimes even that. they completely refuted.

It's funny but contradictory, it's also very sad. How many times have we witnessed conflicts, divisions, hatred in the name of an opinion, an ideology, a religion or a lifestyle choice? How often do we see people categorically objecting for similar things, accusing each other of being brainwashed, of being misinformed, of being ignorant, partial or biased? It has almost become a trend.

When the dialogue is broken, when we hear without listening, we can never be curious about the different perceptions that others may have. Trying to understand his approach, his fears, his traumas or the context of his opinions allows us much more compassion and empathy, and why not even understanding and acceptance. Listening to others allows us to hear a story, their story. And this one very often offers us the context of his opinions, of his truth. As much as a single truth does not exist, it is nevertheless his.

Because even if, by definition, everyone's truth is relative and, to a large extent subjective, everyone has their own truth.

Are you a highly sensitive person or an empath? Take the test below to find out.

test: are you highly sensitive?

There is a story that describes this quite well.

This is the story of two blind men who had never touched an elephant.

When the first blind man was first in the presence of an elephant, he grabbed its tail and then described it as long and pointy.

When the other blind man approached the elephant, he touched its belly and concluded that it was flat and rough.

After touching the elephant, each of the two men told his story, perceiving it to be the truth. Both men were right on their level of perception, but each saw things from a different angle.

If we had closed our eyes at the same time as these two blind men, without knowing what they were to describe, we would have been very surprised to discover that each of them had just described an elephant. We could never have guessed of course, because everyone had described a part of the elephant, the one they had touched and then imagined. None had described the elephant as a whole.

By analogy, if we could close our eyes and listen to everyone's story, we would be very surprised when we opened our eyes to see that no one, blindfolded, could ever describe an elephant as a whole. Logically, when our perception is limited and if we never try to walk around the elephant, we will always have reduced vision no matter what angle we look at the elephant. There will always be parts out of our sight.

Of course, it's a metaphor but seen in this perspective, can we always really say who is right?


If by magic you could see in yourself what you see so clearly in others. If only you could see in them what you are doing? What would you see? The same thing! the desire to be happy, to be loved, to feel safe etc… so maybe you wouldn't be so divided.

As we go through times of extreme turbulence today on a collective level, instead of coming together, or helping each other, the growth of our division is taking us even further away from the common goal that we all have in fact. Limiting ourselves and confining ourselves to very narrow affiliations and identities causes us to lose exactly what we all desire... inner peace. Belonging to one group or another only aggravates the struggles of which we are victims or witnesses.

This is all just an illusion. We all have the same spiritual nature, we are all here to experience the human form of our life energy, of our spirit which is limitless. Why compartmentalize and constrain our human experience when all possibilities exist? Of course, we have choices to make, but are we open to the possibility that we don't hold the truth? Are we open to recognizing that we can be wrong, that our values, our perspectives are neither better nor worse? That everyone has their own story, their own demons and hopes? And that everyone does their best to live as peacefully as possible?

Isn't wisdom to belong to the whole of existence?

When we limit our identification to one group, one ideology, or whatever is limiting, we push away all other perspectives and deprive ourselves of a much larger, much more enriching, limitless experience.

By automatically rejecting anything we perceive as opposition, without giving any consideration, without even trying to understand, without even listening to what the other is experiencing, the richness of an open dialogue is completely compromised.

Along the same lines, when we reject the idea of scrutinizing and avoid questioning the beliefs, assumptions, or ideology of the group to which we belong, we abandon our growth by blindly putting it in the other people's hands, and we completely lose our critical thinking.

By avoiding understanding how other people have come to this way of thinking or believing, we refuse to see the possibility that they might be right, maybe not about everything, but maybe about certain things. By choosing not to listen and to be hermetically closed to different perspectives, you may miss realizing that you are wrong in some ways too.

But if you cling to an identity, completely dependent on that of the group to which you belong, you will never be able to consider that their truth is only one variant among an existing infinity.

This does not mean that you completely refute the possibility of identifying with certain ideas of one group or another. But you don't limit yourself to any of these things.

You certainly have beliefs that lean one way more than another. But in doing so, you allow yourself more flexibility, more open-mindedness, more willingness to question the validity of those beliefs.

Through our refusal to listen and try to understand those who hold opposing points of view, we negate any possibility of having a constructive identity. Often, fitting into a group and an ideology means compromising our own integrity. And often we are not aware of it.

But sadly, it can even go so far as to compromise our own intelligence, our inquisitive nature, our creativity, and our own logical and rational faculties. It means compromising our ability to think freely, to perceive clearly, to form our own assessment or our personal opinions. It is blindly adopting what others in the group believe and then propagating their doctrine as the only valid truth.

So for those who don't fit in...

Often, fitting in can mean limiting yourself to a very narrow perspective and cutting off any opportunities for expansion at the root. So if you find yourself in this place of neutrality, outside all the boxes in which society wants to lock us up, instead of seeing it as a failure, as a social defect, we should be grateful for it and try to see the benefits… our own expansion!


You want to share your story, your struggles and the battles you won, and be part of our circle of sensitive and intuitive people. Come with us and let's chat with other highly sensitive people! Join the Highly Sensitive Empaths community:

Sign up for our newsletters to receive information and stories for highly sensitive people.

Join us on: Instagram and Facebook (private group)


Recent Posts

See All


bottom of page