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Forgiveness: it's not about them, it's about you.


Forgiveness is a personal decision that must come from our heart, in the quietness and stillness of our heart. It is not an intellectual, measured and long-considered choice. It is evidence based on love, compassion and ultimately our sense of being One. Sometimes we forgive intellectually, the idea comes from our mind, from our ego. We can experience it as an act of inspiration and wisdom, accomplished to release blocks of negative energy towards others and with ourselves. This forgiveness can only cause our hearts to close, and ultimately create only problems and separation in our relationships. This forgiveness is an intellectual concept that perpetuates separation by forgetting our divine connection.

Look around you, look at yourself! The feeling of separation is omnipresent. Our bonds with others are fragile, frayed, always on the verge of breaking, regardless of the type of relationship, because we all have a story with everyone around us, and the story is never a fairy tale. The story is, like any story, littered with tree trunks across the path and weeds along the way. The story has of course beautiful clear-slots in the sky but they will sometimes be swept away by unforeseen storms. It can be a pretty, peaceful clearing in the wood, but be surrounded by dense, dark, and hostile forest. So fairy tales with happy endings are rarely part of our relationship experiences. Fortunately perhaps, otherwise we would be bored, but this is a very personal assessment.

What is hiding behind these stories?... Quite simple. Just humans! Men and women, with their experiences, their values, their traumas, their opinions and their feelings. So it's not surprising that there are clashes, disagreements, ruptures, judgments, falling out of love and therefore pain, trauma and bruises. It is these emotional wounds that create separation and a lack of deep connection.

Learning to release these feelings of disharmony is a powerfully effective tool for personal peace and happiness. We often think there is nothing wrong with holding on to resentments, bitterness, and anger. On the contrary, revenge is recognized as a source of euphoria. It even gives meaning to life for some and the proof of a clean, healthy, strong and balanced self-esteem. Basically, it's a quality… and an appropriate habit passed down from generation to generation, that has become normal, expected even! I'm sure I'll make a few of you cringe, but again, that's my opinion.

Keeping grievances, replaying our hurt feelings over and over can only block us in a past that no longer exists, in a past that we cannot revisit. On the other hand, bitterness, anger, the desire for revenge and all these feelings related to the wound are destructive, but they on the other hand are very present. Our heart is stuck in time, completely closed and leaving no room for any experience of peace and happiness. These hurt feelings even block the hope of healing our heart. Yet this is important for creating a cohesive energy balance in our system and with others.

It has been proven that when we harbor uncontrolled and sustained feelings of bitterness, resentment and revenge, our energy releases hormones and neurochemicals that drain our energy system. This can put our health at risk, especially when the feelings involved are emotionally charged.

The favor is for you and only for you

It is common to think that to forgive someone is to do them a favor. This is completely wrong! Forgiveness is a favor you do to yourself first. Imagine that the person you resent is dead. What service are you going to do for them? Forgiveness is always about you and only you. You are the one who bears the burden of grievances, you who suffer, you who make yourself sick, not the one who hurt you.

So you are doing yourself a favor by releasing your stored and frozen feelings of anger and emotional pain. It is only through forgiveness that you will heal from the negative effects created on your mental, emotional and physical well-being. In some cases, forgiveness can make the difference in whether or not major health problems are prevented. Over time, these pent-up feelings not only deplete our energy levels, but also test our resilience and reasoning ability, while creating shades of flatness in our joy and happiness.

Science and psychology have demonstrated the mental, emotional and physical benefits of releasing these stored feelings. Of course, some situations are more difficult to release, but believe me, they cost us much more to store them, even if we do not realize it.

Today, there is ample evidence of the debilitating effects of repressing negative energies. I understand why forgiveness can be difficult, but it is a giant step in our personal and spiritual development. If we put our ego aside, if we let go of the idea of separation and make decisions with our hearts more than with our heads, the process of forgiveness will be inevitable. It might not be an instant "action", but it could be better that way. The way will be open slowly, on our terms, and so will come healing.

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So why does forgiveness have to come from the heart?

Our heart is the path to forgiveness. Good luck if you try forgiveness by mind only! Yet it is often approached that way. Our heart knows what we have to gain by forgiving, while our mind often tends to find good reasons to resist forgiveness. For the mind, to forgive is to renounce something that is due to us, it is to strip oneself of an opportunity to feel alive. It is resigning to the idea that justice will be done! The heart gives another dimension to intention, it adds love, understanding, compassion and patience. Forgiveness is not just what we are taught in many religions. Forgiveness is universal because it starts from each of us, at the very heart of the life that beats within us, whatever our religious or philosophical convictions.

When we genuinely engage our heart's intent in forgiveness, our spirit receives energetic encouragement that enables complete healing.

When our heart opens, it allows us to release our mental and emotional blockages, even if it's a little at a time. So if intuitively you feel compelled to review and heal all that you have stored up over the years in negative energy, mental and emotional, focus on your heart. Then look objectively at what is suppressing your spirit of peace and happiness. Then commit your intention to clearing the old energies that are blocking you. Sure, this is a tricky time, because when our minds are racing and our emotions are on fire, it's hard to imagine experiencing forgiveness. Don't give up, stay focused on your heart. Do this exercise as many times as you need to. Always start with the management of minor problems, which do not have too many emotional charges.

Forgiveness will become easier and easier over time as you realize that it is not just about doing a good deed, but an intelligent heartfelt move to achieve inner peace, and be ready to receive happiness.

Feelings of revenge, anger and resentment do not make us bad people, because these challenges are a great part of our learning and spiritual growth. Yet, undoubtedly, when we transform these negative feelings and choose to approach everything with our heart, the alchemy occurs and we are happier, healthier and at peace. It is magic !

For more, check out the Drop-Free® for forgiveness.


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